Spoilers. You might think you’re immune, but you’re not

Ispoilervader just had a short conversation with my 15 year-old daughter about a particular book she’s reading. I will refrain from saying what that book is, because I have to discuss a minor event in it–or should I say the series in which it exists.

She says “this first book is more of an introduction,and I can’t wait to go to the next one.” Then she says “even though my favorite character dies in the fourth book.”

I said “who told you that?”

I really didn’t need to ask.  The endless hemorrhage that is social media will take anything that has any popular visibility,and disambiguate it right before your eyes, beginning, middle, denouement . . . whatever.

I feel for those guys that go to church and simultaneously Tivo the Superbowl.  Trying to get out of the sanctuary without seeing a smartphone update, receiving a handshake from someone who saw a smartphone update, seeing any local football sycophants posting signs on the roadside or whatever, has to be the backyard-barbecue equivalent of negotiating IED’s in Afghanistan.  You have to seriously become a single-trajectory luddite if you’re going to watch that game in real time. Oh, and shut off all the phones.  Even the body language of a fellow sports-fanatic who didn’t go to church and might be inclined to wave at you could devastate the mystery you’ve desperately tried to protect.

My daughter tries to convince me that her ever-spoiling associates “don’t ruin anything” for her–that her surprise synapses are not in any way dulled by these revelations.

I beg to differ.  The huge revelations are only given their strength by the contrasts leading up to them.  As a musician, some of my favorite musical solos were given their entire breath of life by the moments of the song leading up to that point; the lyrics, the urgency, the dynamics . . . the buildup.  Isolate the solo, cadenza . . . whatever you want to call it and play if for someone with no reference point. See if it hits home in the same way an organic presentation would.

This is not exactly the same as revealing a literary death prematurely–but, in some ways it is.  Because once you know that transition is coming, there will be no appreciation for even the greatest writing, and clever machinations that shrouded that revelation.  In reality, a writer’s skill can be greatly diminished in the eyes of a reader when their friends start carping about “Dumbledore.”

And since I’m going to invoke Harry Potter in one of the more notorious examples, I’m also going to say that cheap shot revelatory grenades not only reduce a writer’s skill cred, it also reduces their bank accounts.  JK Rowling or SOMEONE spent the equivalent of the Gross National Product of Guam to protect the last books from leaks–precisely because spoilers would cause a downturn in sales, and an understandably demoralizing turn for the reader and fans, who deserved to live through it–not be unwittingly freebased to the end of it.

And when this happens, and news reports of depression and even suicidal turns can invoke thoughtless reactions about fandom mentalities,and such. But there IS something to it.  Because the investment in the larger story is what gives smaller moments their life. Just as a major plot twist can be enjoyed for its full impact, having it artificially revealed or destroyed can have a depressing one as well.

And yes, there is a larger issue here.

There is something to the idea of mystery anyway.  The very reason I ever read the Sherlock Holmes novels, or for that matter any other mysteries was because there were punctuated moments of revealtion–we all live for the piecemeal dissemination of light.  The idea that there is continually something “right around the corner” gives purchase to the mundane.

My 15-year-old, who says she is unaffected by the literary spoiler, though, is also in a novel herself, known as life’s “Book” as it were. And she doesn’t need any spoilers, either.  I work in a facility full of young people for whom someone has maliciously introduced them to the concept of life all at once.  When it was meant to be learned in serial form. Bit by bit.  Line by line.

And don’t think the scions of pop culture care about “mystery.” Not from an industrial, and philosophical malignancy that is only concerned with disrobing everything: life, sexuality, people . . . faith.  The idea of hiding nothing, and bringing all punctuated mystery to the immediate here and now is all that matters.

Spoilers. Straight up spoilers.

And some of those spoilers will kill the most important character of all.  Them.

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Maybe I’ll just Read or something

I think the earthquake non-disaster narrative ran its course with me yesterday.  My idea about interviewing people in some contact fog for satirical reasons is now put to rest.

Plus, I don’t feel good today, so why pester people when I’m easily–non-pesterable myself?

Meanwhile, I’m trying to figure out home-maintainance issues, take family to doctor visits, and possibly finish one book I’ve been reading. Even though I’ve been reading many, I’ve now zeroed in on one that I want to finish.  After that, I’m not starting any new books until I whittle down this looming cadre of shoulder-tappers.

Also, for some reason the book sitting here to my right (The Narnian, by Alan Jacobs) is catching the light through the window when I lean forward, and making me think the preview screen on my iPhone is lighting up.  I’ve now swiped the book’s unlock screen three times.

 

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Vlogging

Vintage TelevisionOr, known as “video blogging.”  I’ve decided that, at times, instead of writing down the epic rant I hear in my head, I’m going to Vlog it instead.

The only problem with this is the prohibitive nature of time.  I have a serious desire to make something that might have legs . . . you know, something that has some decent packaging along with the rant itself.  If I’m going to do this, I don’t just want to shove an iPhone 6 on a selfie-stick, and upload to Youtube without the threshing floor of editing, color-corrections, music, intros, along with the need to excise any and all oatmeal filler out of the thing.

There’s a couple of examples I’ve named in earlier blogs that show me that editing sense–along with an epic rant–can carry things into a more permanent realm.

Also, I’m not necessarily going to be ranting about topical things, or by that I mean things that might be timely and can go away.  I mean really.  If I waste my time yammering on about Snookie from Jersey Shore, the shelf life of that is going to go down fast. Almost as fast as her career.

Instead, I’m going to take on things that will never go away.  You know, major congenital defects in the human condition, moments of saccharin-addled sanctimony amongst the high-profile do-gooders, horribly tone-deaf pharmaceutical commercials that apparently demonstrate fly-fishing to be a side-effect of nearly every drug in existence.

But soon, You will not only be able to read me. You’ll be able to see/hear me as well.  Technically, that’s a felony here in California, because the assault will be very, very real.

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Tomorrow’s show

FullSizeRenderIf I can do it, I’m headed into town tomorrow, and interviewing people that may or may not have felt the 3.3 temblor in Northern California today.

I’m going to find out how they are doing. What kind of inter-home triage has taken place. Do they have electricity. Have they considered eating the family pet in exigent circumstances.

Trauma Level: Donner Party.

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Mall blogging 

IMG_5544 I’d like to give you harrowing commentary from the cloistered  Nothern California refugee camps, post-3.3 mangnitude earthquake. But in reality, half of the disengaged humanity trotting through this mall has no idea it even happened.It felt like either the people working on the sewer lines outside lit up a methane pocket underground, or an industrial truck backing into my house. But the workers outside felt nothing.

So here I sit, in a post-apocalyptic moot point and stare at people walking by for a minute. Roaming to and fro in the earth, and all that. No dystopian hunger games yet.

All I know is, a Tupperware cup in my kitchen may have been tipped over during the ordeal.

I will rebuild.

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. . . And I was right. It WAS an earthquake.

Though I must admit I was kind of hoping some roustabout Fred McMurray was developing  #flubber2015 in his garage, and blew the joint into the sky.

So here’s here’s the deal. Mount Shasta–a VOLCANO IN THE RING OF FIRE–Sits just north of me.

If that thing is going to erupt, then I’m fishing the Keswick strip.

 

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Earthquake

Either a bomb just went off in my neighborhood, or a truck backed into my house. A cursory walk outside my house has all my neighbors standing outside their houses… So I all I can conclude is that we’ve had an earthquake. It’s going to be very interesting to see what this one measured.

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The tax

Sales-taxIn the incarcerated environment–and primarily this comes from my experience in the juvenile justice system, there is, no matter what any guard, counselor, authority, overseer, peeper, mutterer, mountebank, swami and necromancer has to say–a pecking order.

I don’t care how much pachouli you want to spray on your body, how many extra-rentals of Blackfish you’ve paid for,  how many times you’ve sat in a drum circle with Al Gore.  All your self-imputed goodness doesn’t make badness just “go away.” There is an alpha system that runs and controls the beta system. You may not like it, but it doesn’t make it any less true.  Just ask ISIS.

In custody, we try to mitigate that by keeping the betas from being victimized.  One of the more subtle developments is the use of food as currency in the lockdown system.  Without the intervention and circumspect nature of staff, something known as “taxing” takes place.

Here’s how it looks. The food cart comes on the POD, and the “residents” (hey, it’s California) each take a tray of food and sit at a circular table.  This configuration always places one right across from someone else.

What I will observe is, a beta will be seated. And as soon as an alpha sits with his tray, the beta IMMEDIATELY places one of his items (usually a milk or a cake item) on the alpha’s tray.

To the uninitiated, this looks like a charitable act, replete with concern for the “starving children in Africa” not letting anything go to waste.  But in reality, this arrangement is malevolent. Malicious. A tacit understanding that if said food is not given, a serious beat-down is coming later.

What makes this particularly pernicious is that the beta will be the one receiving consequences for the rule violation. So if the alpha is deprived his food because I’ve stopped the transfer, his “victim” gets in trouble.

Why is this?  Because the groundwork–the doctrine that “you WILL give ME . . . ” blah blah blah was laid much earlier. The pavement stones were cemented long ago. So the punk in this regard, just sits back and dutifully watches the onus-laden weakling walk the road again,and again,and again,and again . . .

There’s only one thing that ever stops it.  A direct challenge.  I’ve seen the beta finally get sick and tired being expended for the mission of the self-appointed.  Usually, this will involve the beta getting up, and dumping the entirely of his food in the garbage, depriving the vampiristic thug anything, which also says “Beat me up you want. I win, because you get NOTHING ELSE FROM ME.”  The other, lesser-used approach involves splitting the tray over the skull of the alpha’s head.

Granted.  This does send signals that are hard to confuse.

I’ll bet the reader with no understanding of this thinks this is appalling.  You’d never allow something like that to happen at all–“if you were running things.”

That’s right.But guess what? You don’t have time to do it because you’ve signed up for thirteen different irons-in-the-fire that, if you even consider stepping out of ONE of them, you are violating some code. Some doctrine. Some implied understanding that the floor will open up beneath you if you just say “NO” for once in your life. You’re an apostate of the highest order. You’d love to be the one to stop that parasitic bully from taking food, but you’ve just signed up for one more reason to never have time to consider anything of the sort.

One day, you’ll do that stuff you always wanted to do, but first you’ve got other people’s expectations sitting across that table.  Don’t you even dare consider getting up, alpha. You know your place. And if you do, YOU’RE the one that looks bad, because the benevolent expectant across from you laid the groundwork YEARS ago that this is “just how it is.”

At some point, the word “no” has to enter the picture.  At some point in life, one has to figure out whether they’re going sit there,and allow others to tax them within the confines of “the code.”

I know this. The kid that ends it usually does wind up with the fist to his face at some point.

But he still wins, because he simply said “enough is enough.”

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And the water heater bursts open

  So, I figured since I don’t drink, I could rack up a retrograde bank balance for what I “don’t spend in hedonistic beer-swilling” for Cinco De Mayo.

Nothing doing. I have a straight-up geyser in my house. Water everywhere.

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The obligatory, Cinco De Mayo post, with an atrocious segue into horoscopes

FullSizeRenderI expect at any minute, a whole host of my white bread, Facebook affiliates to start posting pictures of themselves drinking loads of beer and yelling “CINCO DE MAYO!”

I know I know.  A calendar date of which zero historical knowledge has been attained can really make one want to tie one on, get plastered, and test the limits of the DUI checkpoints.

But in reality, the North American lush-bucket really doesn’t need much in terms of the auspicial sort to start running an intravenous pick feed from the moonshine still.  Just say it: “I simply want to drink myself into a semi-comatose stupor on a Tuesday night.  The altered state of consciousness, boorish need to throw punches at bouncers, and full-scale, multi-player bloodlettings over Kaepernick’s throwing ability are worth it!”

St. Patrick’s Day, in Ireland turned into a “let’s get drunk and beat up gay guys” thing a long time ago.  But at least they admit it. Me? I’m just looking for honesty. Transparency.  The addled and addicted to step up and say, “I’m doctor shopping. Got any Norcos ?”

This is why I can’t take the whole zodiacal thing with any sense of seriousness.  According, to the horoscope rundown, me, an Aries, is supposed to be creative, and short-tempered.

Okay, that part is right.  But that’s a simple HUGE characteristic amongst artists in general.  And unless you can prove all Artists were born between late March and late April, the calculus falls apart.

Also, I was two or three days from being born a Taurus—had I simply cooked a little longer in utero, I would supposedly be a different person altogether.  This means, the doctor could’ve looked at my mom and said:

So here are our options, Mrs. Giesecke. Today is March 18th.  Your baby is due one month from today.  As you know the astrological rundown isn’t good if you go to full term without an inducement.  I can fire up the Pitocin feed right now, and you can give birth to a Compassionate, adaptable, accepting, devoted and imaginative child with greater interpersonal latitude, or, you can take a chance and give birth to a complete jerk with a large vocabulary.

So according to a sextant read of the Pleiades,  I’d be a better person if mom would have induced labor.

So she took the second option.  And then named me Ronald out of spite.

That’s what I GET from a Pisces.

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