Yelling “fire” in the theater of the mind

About a year ago, I decided that I was going to make a film. Not some knawing, cinematic tapeworm that consumes three, non-refundable hours of your life, like Meet Joe Black, but a short, eleven-minute ride. “It should be easy,” I told myself.

As soon as I decided this, I became stressed out. How was I supposed to craft something with a story arc anyone cares about?

Let’s be specific. I already had my overall subject: fly fishing. The plan was to enter the film into the F3T Fly Fishing Film Tour, which plays theaters all around the country as well as Canada. I’m figuring, if I narrate the thing—that alone will set my film apart from the rest, because I am aware that my style is, in some ways, a bit unique.

But before I started that project, I figured the cool thing to do was do a sixty second project first, to see if I could even close the loop on THAT.

So my buddy Tim calls me, knowing that I am simultaneously messing with editing film AND special effects, and asks me to take some footage of him and his five-year-old son. Tim, being a Marine, thought the military theme would be great. And so did I.

So I show up with my GoPro camera (no one said I have ever had the utilitarian equivalent to my vision. But I once watched as the guitarist for Jimbo Mathis opened for Buddy Guy on a $120.00 Fender, Squire Stratocaster, so la di dah) and shot footage. That consisted of:

  • Running across a field with guns.
  • Pointing guns.
  • Walking and presumably dodging a grenade with guns.
  • Kneeling and posing with guns.

And that was a wrap, as they say. I drove off, having not a SINGLE clue how I was going to make this cool, or have any cohesive plot. I figured, since I didn’t have one, the shoot was a waste of time.

But I wasn’t going to let this father/son outing fall into that category if I had anything to do with it.

Then it hit me: Why not imply a story—like a movie preview? I was immediately relieved of the burden of a complete story, while allowing the footage to seemingly traverse the entire chasm of some epic saga. Thus became this 49-second burst:

From a Special Effects standpoint, I’m especially proud of the castle scene, as that castle actually exists about 3 ½ hours away from where this was shot. I was able to lay it behind the tree line, using motion tracking technology to anchor it to my spastic filming output. It goes without saying that the UH-1 helicopter was an after-market insertion on my part.

Did I wind up with a plot? Meh. I do have these two rogues against an existential something-or-other. And that’s good enough here.

My eleven-minute film actually required a script—and some elementary storyboarding to prevent me from making repeated, hour-long trips to the river on which I filmed. And that required writing. So, in reality, I had a structural skeleton over which I needed to stretch a visual canvas.

So here I am. Now wanting to pursue a written work; longer, more elaborate than my self-deprecating pseudo-martyrdom. And in a way, I will be appealing to both disciplines.

Time to shoot the film in my head. And get that script on paper. This time, however, the theater is entirely different.

It ultimately needs to play in the theater of the mind.

 

Note: See my fishing film, Tenkara and the Man Card

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Memorial Day, Dad’s near incarceration, and an antediluvian rigging of the thimbles

Not a lot to peel forth on today.

Remembering my own WWII Father and the stories he told me. One of which got him yanked out of a cockpit and preemptively detained in the presence of General MacCarthur.

But that’s another story entirely.

For now, I’ve decided to download Nate Fleming’s “Thimblerig’s Ark” and read it.

So far, so good, sir.

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Billy Squier, and the roadside bomb of helpful advice

!BUrMOEQBmk~$(KGrHgoOKkQEjlLmVIM2BKOq0!phpw~~_35One of the prevaricating tightropes I’ve had to maneuver in my life is the problem of exactly how much/what kind of advice to take in a variety of situations.

I say this because advice in the infancy phase of one’s learning is usually free of guile; anyone inclined to be threatened by the ascendancy of another usually do not possess this quality when the neophyte starts asking questions.

But then you have the aspect of apparent and burgeoning talent. What was once the roadside bystander in our competitive Super Mario game is now the odious, tailgating Luigi to our malevolent Bowser: bananas out of the side car. And fast.

I’ve always wondered whether Neil Schon was in line to audition for Journey when the guy in front of him was flailing away at million-mile-an-hour pentatonic licks. Neil turns to the guy and says,

“Word has it they’ve found their guy. I think I’m heading over to the other call out.”

“Oh? Who’s looking for players.”

“Leif Garrett.”

And off went that other guy.

Furthermore, I am almost certain that film director Kenny Ortega was acting as some sort of nefarious , career-marauding Trojan Horse when he talked Billy Squier into making this video:

Musicologists of any reasonable mental stability will tell you this literally marks the waterloo of Squier’s career. Ortega was the third director chosen for this gig, and the images of Squier, writhing around the bedroom floor in a pink tank top like some effeminate, Howard Stern doppelgänger—over his own and his management’s— reservations—caused his ticket sales to evaporate. This, despite the fact that the song itself had previously taken him to #1.

Icarus sat amongst us.

And all of this because no one wanted to challenge the conventional wisdom of the great oracle that walked down from Mt. Cognoscenti.

I would also posit that Michael Jackson’s face could’ve been prevented by the recalcitrance of ONE rogue friend.

Same goes for Bruce Jenner. Wheaties must now default to the Mary Lou Retton box for any reminiscent iconography, if they want to do so without guffaws from the Statler and Waldorf balcony.

The man credited with revitalizing the Philadelphia 76ers wasn’t immune to bad editorial decisions. And you can’t tell me, the hyper vigilant and overly-energetic Pat Croce didn’t sit in a room with his publishers and beg them to “please, PLEASE don’t run this goofy cover that makes it look like, of all things motivating that could come out of my mouth, the world worst mixed metaphor is my kinetic magnum opus“:

lead-or-get-off-the-pot

And no, I haven’t read the book. But I’ve read enough like his to guess that his overview would be similar to those of others whose successes are traced out. My guess is—again—killer advice to the neophyte. Try to gain bargaining leverage in the NBA, and you might find him a little less conciliatory.

This is why I’m a bigger fan of the testimony than I am of straight advice. And the difference between those can match the variance ratios of that which lies between a fireworks stand and an I.E.D. Both are a blast. But one is meant to kill you.

Oh, and to any that simply got a laugh from my metaphoric, Neil Schon side road: Billy Squier is still out there, flailing away in the margins.

Kenny Ortega went on to direct High School Musical.

Yep. It was a conspiracy.

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Overnight question for readers

When fleshing out YOUR writing processes–what has been that one linchpin–or catalyst that caused you to trudge on through?

From where did you draw inspiration?

I’m off to bed. See you tomorrow.

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Guy Writing Book About Writer’s Block Just Staring At Screen

That would be a great headline. Fortunately, I don’t have that issue very much.

Where to begin, however, might a be a bit trickier for me. I do know, I want to employ the oft-used In medias Res bit–that is to say, my protago-antago-whatever-he-is character will be standing at the precipice of the consequences that his incompetence has wrought.

I’m not sure, though, whether, I want HIM in the first scene, or whether or not to have a couple of character responsible for meting out these consequences discussing his potential fate.

Odd. I never thought I’d have struggle with something like this. It seems ridiculous. Had I been walking down the street one day, and Miss Cleo runs up in some distraught necromancer-meets-contortionist configuration, proclaiming “you will one day struggle with protagonist placement and nuance for an upcoming novel,” I just simply would not have felt any urgency to “do something about it.”

But now I realize something. This little, and I presume short-lived dilemma is a sort of John-on-Patmos sort of isolating little wraith. Unless you’re writng a book, NO-body cares about it, no matter who you’d bring this up to. And why would they?

THEM: Dude, the Giant’s better get it together, or I’m going to have to check my fan card.

ME: That’s too bad. I know in my world, I’m struggling to tie up a few subplots and bring together three or four story arcs into a logical conclusion.

THEM: Call me later. Gotta run.

I get it. I really do.

Now. 

 

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A brief history of aloofness.

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Note: This article first appeared on a completely different blog that I have mothballed. It hardly saw any light. Thus, I redirect. -R.G.(M.O.N)

It seems that every few years, I’ll go through a puritanical phase of faux elitism. In the past, this manifested itself in wearing round glasses, puffing a wooden pipe, and deliberately reading old books that reeked of acetate decomposition. All this, of course, to convince myself I was part of some cognoscenti—the intellectual class that pondered things like Adolf Anderssen’s Immortal chess game, and its sociological applications.

But then again, I’ve realized my life has been nothing but a bunch of phases, of varying degrees.

I’d bet that most boys, somewhere around the age of nine, go through a “magic phase.” By that I mean magic tricks; sleight-of-hand, artifice, ruse, subterfuge, legerdemain. Or, at nine, “tricks that make Darcy Skalisky want to go steady.”

Oddly enough for me, that phase never ended, and a significant part of my living has been fleshed out with a deck of cards, obscene performance fees, and an over-the-top personality that is wholly unafraid to invoke the latter against the quality of the former.

Then one day, I witnessed an atrocity of self-immolation that has never left me: A wine and cheese tasting incident on a cruise ship.

I figured when they announced the event that my friend and I would be able to rubberneck and eyeball every erstwhile Aristotle Onassis ON that ship. And we were not disappointed. Right there, dead center on the plush lido couch was the archetypical ingot-totem himself with an entourage of seven androgynous, slinky twentysomethings in fantastically expensive clothing. I have no idea who he was, but he was clearly old and rich. And seemingly in control of their very opinions.

As the snobby emcee announced the entire double helix of minutiae about the wine and its complementary cheese choice, my buddy and I keyed in on the queue of sycophants that looked like they were ladled right out of the third verse of Hotel California. Every single drooling clinger picked up, held, cradled, caressed, swirled and sniffed the glass the exact same way and exactly one millisecond behind I.M. Loaded III and his 24-karat chain mail.

The coup de grace came when one particular wine apparently committed high crimes and misdemeanors against his palette. He spit the wine back into the glass, shook his head and said “bah!”

A NANOSECOND later the chorus of seven sang the sad refrain. Minds Tiffany twisted and all.

The prevailing question here is, how in the world did I, 400 words in, manage to wreck this oil barge on a reef not related to fly-fishing? In all actuality, I didn’t. It’s a parable of sorts. A plea for calibrated elitism. Not the “great gulf between me and thee” country-club kind of boorishness that makes grown men take on some kind of interbred dialect when pronouncing “golf.” But the cartoonish, bellicose, Tartuffian snobbishness similar to Jack Nicholson’s character in The Bucket List.

So instead of drinking obscure tea with my pinkie finger extended, I rattle off the characteristics of Kopi Luak coffee, and how it is comprised of beans chosen and eaten by the Asian Palm Civet (Paradoxurus Hermaphroditus) and excreted into a pile of fiscal awesomeness for the locals. I’ll carry on for minutes, holding forth about aroma, and the ferret’s innate ability to select the finest beans.

Then, someone asks me why I even care about such things.

“I don’t,” I’ll reply. “I just like useless trivia. let’s go get Starbucks.”

And back to earth I go.

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I’m about ready to go all David Copperfield up in here

copperfieldjpg-cf25d89616c026b6  One thing I have learned by picking up this blogging thing at full cadence and with a committed-and-purchased web address is this: There are a LOT of us out there. If the attention of the average reader and fellow blogger was a zero-sum game, then I (and most) wouldn’t stand a chance of being heard over the ambient room noise.

And by “noise” I mean it to be more than one beautiful song playing at the same time. There are some good writers out there; unique as well.

As of this entry, I’m twelve posts in. I’m the WordPress equivalent to a tiny little baby, sloshing around the amniotic sack while contemplating an internship for NASA.

And despite my first-trimester limitations, this intelligible clump of cells with the faint characteristics of success is already sitting around, working out absurd ways to promote myself; how to stand resolute and face off the giant, tank-driving antagonist in Tiananmen Square. The one that says, go ahead and go to the moon. Some dude’s already got a flag there.

Yeah, I hate those people too.

So scheming has its merits, but my last trip to Disneyland vetted a line from Sherlock Holmes’ books. In paraphrase, man by himself is unpredictable. In numbers he becomes a mathematical certainty.

Oh, yeah, well kids, listen to dad. We’ll wait until the light show this evening, then we’ll hit the Indiana Jones ride thirty-two times. No one will think to protract their plans like us.”

And of course, we get there and the line is longer than California’s Death Row (but still moving faster than those fast passes).

So what’s a guy to do? How does a guy relegate himself to a high-profile, ingratiating Joe Isuzu for the purpose of publicity? How many now-defunct, compact cars am I going to have to commandeer to start hectoring the neighborhood with a megaphone?

How–am I supposed to get others:

  • Excited about the blog, and
  • Excited about a novel I am writing that completely sets the history of the Blues on its ear?

How do I become the veritable Corporal Klinger, sallying forth to the central quad of the M*A*S*H Unit, dumping an entire can of passive-agressive erstwhile-accelerant on myself and demanding to be heard?

And hey. WHO PUT GASOLINE IN MY GASOLINE?

I guess I could sneak into places and when I get thrown out, yell out my URL, but the time that I was physically removed from David Copperfield’s 1998 setup crew* is any sort of behavioral barometer, that won’t work. They did not care who I was. All they knew was: I was setting up his equipment without a security pass, and they did not know how I circumvented the labyrinthine process of getting ON that crew.

Actually, that’s not entirely true. They did care who I was.

Copperfield throws a frisbee in his act–a way of “proving” that the person he is inviting up on stage is not a plant.

And wouldn’t you know it.

That evening the frisbee flew right into my hands. Copperfield motioned me up to audience applause.

Just then, I saw him cup his hand over his ear monitor. He stopped me dead in my tracks, and deftly improvised “Hey, why don’t we take this a step further, and have YOU throw it one more time?”

I’d give tangible money to hear the panicked, clarion cacophony David must’ve endured to let him know I was a radioactive isotope. Not to mention the paroxysms of laughter my wife had when she saw me get dissed, which, is actually a better story than if I had gone up there and done a card trick.

But they CARED who I was at that moment.

So the success of this blog lies somewhere in between. I’m not inclined to post drive-by links to generate traffic. I believe that will come with time and qualitative care.

And I believe that if, and when David Copperfield needs web traffic, he can feel he can come to me to provide it.

 

 

* Truth is, I was supposed to be on the setup crew.  Then a logistical problem happened and I couldn’t make the meeting to sign the secrecy agreement.  So I was right out.  I figured, hey, what will it hurt to just show up.  I’ll keep his secrets. I have, too.  But they still didn’t think my little stunt was cute, by any measure.

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The plot, um … yeah.

So . . . after yesterday’s fulmination about writing, I went to bed completely excited about the plot to my heretofore-abandoned novel. Seems all the requisite absurdities that were missing from my mental blueprints all fell into place while I was sleeping.

I heard that Thomas Edison became so frustrated with losing the ideas that popped into his head that he ultimately decided to scatter sheet metal around his work bench and take a nap with a ball-bearing in his hand. As he’d fall off the narcoleptic abyss, he’d also drop the ball bearing, wake himself up, and presumably write down another brilliant idea (memo to self: steal from Nicolai Tesla).

I tried it (memo to self: you tend to drool during midweek siestas).

Usually, leaving the rest of my contemplative woodshedding to the Sand Man is useless. I can’t even read a single paragraph lying down without going on the nods.

But aside from that thought, I was also thinking, Ive got twelve followers already, and I’m only ten posts in. The goal here ultimately is visibility and value. Value will help assist the other.

Now, I’m thinking that one value I have is making people laugh, because I have ZERO filter in terms of what I might say–within reason–and I tend to be just schizophrenic enough in my approach, that I’m perhaps reminiscent to a Nickelodeon channel-changing marathon. Either that, or I’m so bad, people want to see me fail–yelling “go ahead and jump!” when I’m inching towards the 33rd floor ledge of a literary disaster with broken elevators.

I have no idea.

END OF TRANSMISSION

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Stuey Takes a Holiday (on writing a book)

photo-10

I’ve discovered I’m an aberration. Apparently, the old adage about “everybody has a book in them,” applies to me in the exponential. Because I’ve got two or three. And they might be interesting.

By that, I mean “two or three that do not in any way have templates or trajectories that are anything alike.”

And by that I mean, “Steve Berry has really only ONE book in him.”

Me? I’ve a got an idea for a novel. Suffice it to say it would be labeled “an existential farce that draws into sharp relief America’s genuine musical heritage.” At least that’s the blurb I’d put on the back of my own book. Of course, I’d also put Groucho Marx’s quip, “from the moment I picked this book up, I could not quit laughing. Someday I hope to read it.”

A few years ago, I picked up First Draft in 30 Days. I fooled with it. I brainstormed. I ruminated, cogitated, contemplated and regurgitated.

Crickets.

At least I came up with the name of my antagonist—which is actually the protagonist if you use the bent calculus I’m using to craft the whole idea anyway. His name is Stuey, and he’s an incompetent little Mephistophelean nitwit.

That’s all I’m saying for now.

There’s something about my brain that will bog down with too much attention to the machinations of craft. And the structural schematics that grease the skids for others seem to pour sand into my WD-40. And yet, the processes laid out in the book seem to make all the sense in the world—and illuminate the more opaque issues one might not consider when running towards print.

So I’ve decided to READ the book again, and allow my all-too-stunted proclivity for rudiments and fundamental paroxysms to absorb it all in spirit. Chances are, I’ll never fill in the notebook-ish blanks getting to my goal. I’m simply going to have to just buckle down and do it.

I remember when I started to play with something magicians (at least some) call the “memorized deck.” Now, in the spirit of non-disclosure, I will say this: It is a particular situation in which a mixed up deck is completely memorized. This random “order” is achievable time and again—the advantage given to the magician insofar as they can keep a cyclical count of a card’s location (Okay, that’s it in terms of disclosing this underused gambit).

Magicians forums are glutted with this question: What method of memorizing a deck did YOU use? This follows with the names of card sharks that have published mnemonic ramp-ups. But it was a man named Darwin Ortiz, in his book Scams and Fantasies with Cards that took the vinegar out of it all: Take a deck, shuffle it. Memorize it.

Nuff said.

As to the great novel, I wonder if C.S. Lewis, Tolkien, King, Crichton, or any of those guys sat around troubleshooting their work against a schematic. Or did they just re-read their own drafts and “feel” for the gaps? George Harrison wrote Here Comes the Sun while walking around Eric Clapton’s garden—not at a Liverpool songwriter’s workshop (No slam on workshops, btw. Chances are you’ll meet me at one, or at any rate watch me launch a probable cause search for panhandling).

Either way, this writer’s beginning from the beginning; the In medias res? Got it covered. The resolution to my witty caper without plowing the car into the deus ex machina phone booth? No idea.

Yet.

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Furrowed brows, furled leaders

One of the inescapable bipolar fits I have with fly fishing is my either/or conundrum when I decide to hit the water. If I’m headed to main artery of the Sacramento River, there is no either/or; I must simply fish Western tackle because the fish are too big, too strong, and are the equivalent of trying to land a jet skier. 5x aint gonna fly on a fixed line.

Then, I have the struggle of a “wheel within a wheel.” When I do decide it is Tenkara, I now find myself wrestling a different prevaricating angel: traditional flies, or Western?

And in my wild, parabolic swings, I have days where I decide that retro is the way—or at any rate—retro from the Lilian forward. I’m not exactly inclined to try to make myself a 14’ 7” rod. Not yet.

photo-8

But the idea of making a traditional furled leader from horse hair became a subsidiary obsession for me. Now, I’m smart enough to figure that culling a brittle lock of horsehair from my fly tying box was going to have me delivering a compromised line.

Tenkara Bum has gone ahead and done some footwork for us all. His Horse hair kit was the low-hanging fruit I needed to assuage my need for antediluvian angling swag. I’ve made two, and broken both (though I have already repaired one), but I want to talk about these leaders for a second, because I’m going to continue making them.

Without giving away his instructions, understand that the leaders are effectively 10-11 feet in length, in five sections, and taper down to a fine, three-hair end (That said, level lines are also possible).

In my opinion, every Tenkara fisher should try one of these, either by having one made, or making it outright. The transfer of energy in a horsehair leader is fantastic. Once they are wet, they lose all memory, and just seem to go where you want them. I will be buying more hanks of hair from Chris, and as I make a few leaders, will post them for sale in the store. I know Chris quit making them because time is somewhat prohibitive (this is because one’s fingers become the loom upon which the leaders are furled. I can have one complete in 40 minutes thus far). If I find an appropriate furling tool (again, based on some centuries-old matrix), I may start producing them. I say that because I’m also guitar player, and the fingers can take a beating with prolific, headlong dives into the technique as written.

That said, I haven’t yet vetted the leader on trout, but bluegill. My first leader was basically an unmitigated disaster anyway, so the “fraying” it suffered was because of endemic flaws from my construction.

Last night, I went out to a local Bass pond with my Ito rod, and some relatively traditional flies. I hooked probably fifteen bluegill before I had a problem. Those fish fight like crazy anyway. What was even cooler, was an ancillary situation.

I walked up to the water with my Tenkara rod, extended it and proceeded to fish. Two young boys across the mini-cove watched me intently, as they told me they had “caught nothing.” The usual dialogue about “what are you fishing with” ensues, and so on . . . “ They were using salmon eggs.

My first cast out, and violent little bluegill grabs my wet fly while it was yet a dry one. Fish after fish, and I could see that the boys were trying to work out what might be happening.

Now, before I go on, I’m not setting this up to be some David vs. Goliath meets Bait vs. Fly contest, in which the uncircumcised bait Philistine is sent away. I’ve been made to look like a chump with Powerbait, despite my etymological one-ups. I’ve had the metrics against me in the past. What I am saying though, it this was a great opportunity for fly-fishing diplomacy.

Back to the kids: They were friends, and one of the kids’ dad, named Keith, walks out to see how they were doing. His son started drawing attention to the aerial antenna in my hand. Within a few minutes, I offered to modify his bait rod setup. I ran a 5xed Kebari fly off his now-barren hook. I had him set his bobber to a shallower setting, and then cast out.

“Twitch the fly, and then pause,” I said.

Within three casts, he had two fish. This led to a discussion of Tenkara in general, but the fact that I was sporting a horse-hair leader was a great point-of-departure. I know it it were me, and I were using modern gear, and this white-haired anachronism started carping about 300-year-old fishing techniques—I’d be fascinated. Turns out they were too.

I told the young man to keep the fly, and then sent them some links, which will ultimately illuminate Tenkara fishing.

“I think you may have started an interest in fly fishing,” said the dad.

“It’s a great journey,” I said.

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