To those that read, follow, comment, rubberneck, and lurk.
I appreciate it all. I might just make a career out of this one day.
To those that read, follow, comment, rubberneck, and lurk.
I appreciate it all. I might just make a career out of this one day.
And before you think I’m just posturing and trying to suck up all the attention, well let me just say I’ll gladly trade places with you. Because I’ll bet you anything you don’t have suspicious eyes waiting to ring your neck the first time you turn up with the membranous croup. Me? I’m not even allowed to have even a hint of a glottal fry, or my head gets a 3 1/2 clockwise from a guy who “says” he wants his kids to bond with me. (Memo to self: Don’t cough.)
As an aside, I must say I always think it’s funny, the way you humans pretend to be so superior to animals. Yeah, you’re superior right up until when the electricity goes out in a metropolitan area. I might be a chicken, but I don’t loot my neighbor’s house and dry-snitch the hidden pantries when his burglar alarm goes south, monkeys. You people are the real animals.
But go ahead and wring my neck. That’ll preserve that pathetic gene pool of yours a bit longer. Maybe some day chickens will be slouching towards avian Gomorrah, waiting for the anthro-flu.
Yeah right. Lol.
Bok Bok
I just got done reading Simon’s Necronomicon. It’s a pretty neat book, but I want to warn the reader. This is not for the faint of heart. And I want to give a stern warning now: If you are not in any way familiar with the lexicon of Mesopotamian Theological pursuits—DO NOT READ THIS BOOK! Trust me. I’m a complicated man, and I almost gave it up. Thankfully, there are lots of diagrams that are fun to draw.
Which, lol, is why I almost lost the SUPER NEAT experiences of the object lessons. Sometimes, those “optical illusion” things on Facebook I fall for turn out to be hoaxes. Even that “turn your Mountain Dew into a glow stick” thing? That’s right! PWNED! But not this book. As soon as I started drawing circles and stars on the floor, I could see this was no fly-by-night escapade. It was REALLY cool.
So the instructions told me that I could create my own “opposing player” if I sat in a chalk circle and repeated the tongue-twisters they provided. Lol. At first, I thought it was one of those articulated tongue twisters like Owa-TahJer-Kiam(say it fast: Oh what a jerk I am, lol) and you look silly. But I couldn’t find any of that here, but guess what? The book really worked because I could hear voices and stuff in the room. They made me really cool promises too! They told me I get extra points if I step outside the circle with my blindfold on! Something about “legions” of special prizes I might win, or something.
Anyway, I give this book five stars. One for each cool voice I heard.
like I’ve already said, this one is of local concern. But since I’ve been obsessed with mentioning it here over and over again, I thought I’d go ahead and let you know the swirling Eddie of understated intrigue that happens here – – during rodeo week, in Redding, Ca.
REDDING, Calif. – Kicking off this year’s Redding Rodeo, the “Lone Strangers” staged a mock-bank robbery today at Five Star Bank on Hartnell Avenue in Redding.
The public is invited to guess who’s playing this year’s masked bandits and find their “loot.”
Clues on the strangers’ identity: “The bandits used a hatchet type shovel to escape the jail…the Asphalt Cowboys shot holes in their jeans to no avail.”
Clues for the location of the loot:
” A paper tree for the loot…crossing the river is a hoot.”
If you think you know the identity of the Lone Strangers or have found the loot, call 530-223-1188.
I think I have an idea already.
The second in the Zombie Bible series managed to leave the chronological biblical spectrum entirely, and take us to ancient Rome.
Caius, the head of the Roman Praetorian guard, is charged with the religious as well as the logistical protection of Rome. Thus far, the walking dead are but a distant, albeit audible afterthought, confined to ravishing the destitute lower classes in the outskirts–known as the insula.
When these barriers are breached in horrifying fashion, certain revelations begin to come with that moment—that all is not well inside the inner rings, and really—haven’t been for quite some time. And Caius knows this better than anyone.
Meanwhile, a Christian sect, led by Polycarp, is being held accountable for the outbreak, primarily for the crime of polluting Rome’s theological mashup with undiluted monotheism, and all the baggage that comes with a faith that exalts not the dead, but feeds the living and celebrates life after death. Roman culture, while expending its firsfruits to the dead who could not partake of them, completely ignored the living that could. Polycarp’s earthly mission involved chipping away at this behemoth. And the unity of communion—the breaking of bread is the accord in which this is brought to bear.
Caius is unable to hold the center, and is faced with personal traumas along with political decisions meant to allay the rage of vox populi –I won’t go into what those are here, because it gives away too much.
Polycarps’s band of devotees are gathering—at great personal risk—in the catacombs, a feature which helps undergird the horrid rumors that the communion they are taking isn’t symbolic—but cannibalistic—a major point in the ultimate prosecutorial proceedings against him.
But the book isn’t about logistical gamesmanship scenarios. It’s about relationships. Inside the isolated, patrician orbs of Rome, the people are hoping to hedge their hopes against the undead by the protections given them by their class distinctions. In the catacombs of devotion, those congregants are shedding, or subjugating their statuses for the sake of unity, and feeding the hungry, and opening themselves to the gifts that may give the undead a proper release from their torment and hunger.
Within this unified body, Polycarp gives authority and leadership to a young woman named Dora, a scarred, publicly-shamed pleasure slave. Upon paying a price for her, he sets her free, and then exalts her to his right hand with a new name.
As I said, the story involves relationships. And this one is key. It will touch your heart.
I fear of giving away more than this. It’s a beautiful and powerful story, rich in the historical nature Rome. But if I have to walk away with one message, I can say this. The idea of the walking dead as a horror linchpin alone is and has been fascinating for me ever since I was a kid. But to see them as literal and metaphorical statements simultaneously gives these ones extra power. They can be seen as the simple, raging specters in the Via sanctus, or they can be seen as the composite boiling down of a nihilistic end, devoid of meaning—yet they are somehow starving for it.
In the inner circles of Rome, the barriers are physical. Assumptions of impregnability cause lethargy of spirit and lack of preparation for the ultimate breach. And when that day comes, all men are equal in the grip of the walking dead—and instead of being internally prepared for a glorious resurrection that saves them in the long term, they are externally destroyed by an aberrant resurrection in the short one.
In the margins, the poor and destitute, though hungry physically, also know that the physical hedge for them is improbable, if not laughable. Their equality amongst each other, however, was established in their communion with—each other, making death—in all its forms equal in scope—and an unworthy adversary against the Apostolic Gift, something that is only housed behind hedge of a pure and honest faith—the greatest hedge of all.
So I joined the Goodreads community. Quite simply, it’s like a Pinterest community that compiles the books we’ve read, are currently reading, and want to read. It comes off with an appearance like the Amazon site, with the reviews and stars, and input, and spoiler-alerts and all of that. One can become “friends” with others, like any other site, but the unifying factor is books. It’s not a billboard discussion, or the usual meme-driven, sociopolitical petrie-dish of futility that is FaceBook.
The minute I joined, I was overcome with a sense of paranoia. I added to my “read” column a few books of recent, but then logged out to do something else.
Then this looming fear came over me. These people are going to think I’ve only read three books, I thought to myself. I better add a few more.
Then, of course comes this odd fear of being genre-specific for the first fifty. So now, I’m going back to the first grade in my mind, firing up the bilge pumps.
Alvin’s Secret Code, By Clifford Hicks. Cool. Got the crypto-secret code-breaking Goonie stuff out. Next.
Surely You’re Joking, Mr. Feynman, by Richard P. Feymnan. Surely, the affable autobiography of an Einstein contemporary and primary heavy hand on the Challenger disaster’s investigative organ will give me some depth here. Besides, any savant willing to sniff pre-handled books in his own library to understand the noses of the Bloodhound has to be interesting.
Now, I’m just going to start cutting wildly across the plains, to become quirky and unpredictable:
The Hiding Place, by Corrie Ten Boom
Jurassic Park, by Michael Crichton
Confessions of a Cineplex Heckler, by Joe Queenan.
Mere Christianity, by CS Lewis
Iron Man, by Tony Iommi.
And just like that, you’re not going to get fix on ME, sleuth. I’m weaving all over Assumption Blvd. like a mad man.
Find me on there, if you dare.
I submit to you, the following picture:
This is a picture of the Onchorynchis Mykiss Stonei–the McCloud River Rainbow trout. Taken on my April 25th jaunt up the hill. Go ahead. Click on it. It’s a cool pic.
It has also become the default picture that Facebook grabs when I post my newest blog offerings, making all my readers think I’m billboarding my writing with the same, sorry picture. Unless I deliberately go into the setting of each blog post and specifically assign it a picture, faceBook will continually assign this picture as a default.
But is it FaceBook, or WordPress? My guess it’s the latter. I say this because their Iphone app makes me mad, and I need to lash out like a big baby. You know, kind of like the losers that litigate their injuries to the thing nearest them with the most money.
But really, I do think it’s WordPress. And I apologize for homogenizing the graphic.
I don’t thing I’m ever going to get over the anticipatory coolness of that phrase. Besides, the dullness, and phlegmatic nature of the weekend begs for something of intrigue. Which I intend to do.
First of all, I’ll remind you that tomorrow kicks off the local “Loot finding” expedition. Even though many of you are not from this area, I’ll post the clues anyway, to show you what kind of odd cipher I may be up against–IF and I repeat IF the clue isn’t some hastily written illumination.
I have a couple of book reviews coming up. Dunning Kreuger called me. Apparently his latest book review got him all tangled up in a coven meeting or something. I guess he’ll have to be the one to explain that.
Anyway, that’s the rundown for now. I’m at a Mother’s Day celebration at the moment. Perhaps I have another little post in me later. One of appreciation to you all.