Worried about bird flu? Take a number pal.


By Bird, Guest Columnist

You think you’ve got worries when it comes to the Avian flu? You don’t even have a clue mister. Sure, there’s a “chance” that the H5N1 virus could mutate and kill most of you humans, but until then, I’ll tell you—you’ve got nothing on me.

And before you think I’m just posturing and trying to suck up all the attention, well let me just say I’ll gladly trade places with you. Because I’ll bet you anything you don’t have suspicious eyes waiting to ring your neck the first time you turn up with the membranous croup. Me? I’m not even allowed to have even a hint of a glottal fry, or my head gets a 3 1/2 clockwise from a guy who “says” he wants his kids to bond with me. (Memo to self: Don’t cough.)

As an aside, I must say I always think it’s funny, the way you humans pretend to be so superior to animals. Yeah, you’re superior right up until when the electricity goes out in a metropolitan area. I might be a chicken, but I don’t loot my neighbor’s house  and dry-snitch the hidden pantries when his burglar alarm goes south, monkeys. You people are the real animals.

But go ahead and wring my neck. That’ll preserve that pathetic gene pool of yours a bit longer. Maybe some day chickens will be slouching towards avian Gomorrah, waiting for the anthro-flu.

Yeah right. Lol.

Bok Bok

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