By Dunning Kreuger,
Guest columnist

I just got done reading Simon’s Necronomicon. It’s a pretty neat book, but I want to warn the reader. This is not for the faint of heart.  And I want to give a stern warning now: If you are not in any way familiar with the lexicon of Mesopotamian Theological pursuits—DO NOT READ THIS BOOK! Trust me. I’m a complicated man, and I almost gave it up. Thankfully, there are lots of diagrams that are fun to draw.

Which, lol, is why I almost lost the SUPER NEAT experiences of the object lessons. Sometimes, those “optical illusion” things on Facebook I fall for turn out to be hoaxes.  Even that “turn your Mountain Dew into a glow stick” thing? That’s right! PWNED! But not this book.  As soon as I started drawing circles and stars on the floor, I could see this was no fly-by-night escapade.  It was REALLY cool.

So the instructions told me that I could create my own “opposing player” if I sat in a chalk circle and repeated the tongue-twisters they provided. Lol. At first, I thought it was one of those articulated tongue twisters like Owa-TahJer-Kiam(say it fast: Oh what a jerk I am, lol) and you look silly.  But I couldn’t find any of that here, but guess what?  The book really worked because I could hear voices and stuff in the room.  They made me really cool promises too! They told me I get extra points if I step outside the circle with my blindfold on!  Something about “legions” of special prizes I might win, or something.

Anyway, I give this book five stars.  One for each cool voice I heard.