Trolling around Barnes & Noble

I managed to waft back into my own, local Barnes & Noble, just to see just how anemic my choices are.  And for the most part, I was right.  They had not a single title I was looking for, even though not a single thing I was asking about was in any way, obscure. At least they have my own personal biases covered nicely: IMG_5162-0They also have a rather huge selection of bibles.  This  also echoes my first request, The CS Lewis Bible.  It’s the NSRV, which, I don’t know very well, but will at least keep me from having to read the word Peradventure to my kids. I don’t mind big words, but the big words I use are still used today. I know it’s a petty quibble.  Go ahead. Smite me.

Of course, I figure if Barnes & Noble is going to come close to going to the apologetics Superbowl for Christian thinkers in the theological section, I may as well expect someone in the B&N braintrust to sit back with the playbook and figure out how to get Kaepernick out there in the fourth quarter and throw a Hail Mary pass. Go long: IMG_5181My guess is, this is all in the spirit of fairness, equanimity, and the fact that I’m sure tons of people walk in there every day and say “Hey, I’m starting a Coven. Can you point me in the appropriate direction for resources that might help me conjure Belial from the third cardinal point?”

And to top it off–they had two of them.  In case you want to support a losing horse that breaks down as soon as the gate drops.

I am going to blame Satan for Barnes & Noble acting like any of Stant Litore’s books are the equivalent of the early days of Mr. Snuffalupagus on Sesame Street: people have heard of him, but no one can prove any sentient evidence that supports said existence.stant

“Whats the deal?” I ask. “The man that wrote the Zombie Bible series can’t get a leg up in here.”

Neither could they tell me directly why I can’t buy Litore’s’ books on my Nook–bit I CAN on a Kindle.  I don’t want to do that because my Kindle is really my iPad, the backlit, LED thing makes me all nervous and prone to rash behavior, like flying gyrocopters to the Captiol Building in DC.

Now I’m in troll mode.  I point to a really huge display over IMG_5168-0to the right, and say “what’s all this?”

“You mean the Game of Thrones series?” they ask.

“I’ve never played it.  Those rules must be hard to memorize,” I said.

They just looked at me like I was crazy.

“No,” they said. “George RR Martin.”

“Never heard of him,” I said. “Why can’t you cut that display in half and get Stant Litore in here?”

I think something about me saying I had never heard of Game of Thrones in general made them think I was a loon.  But when I asked him to check the availability of Studying Cirrus Clouds for Fun and Profit, he knew the game was on. I then found this:

IMG_5167-0 The Disney motif caught my eye.  I wanted to read it, but the binding was so unwieldy that I had to stand on it to hold it open. Which is okay, but I’m now wearing Power 1x reading glasses.  Those won’t help. In order read it that far away, I need glasses that can accidentally give me a glimpse of Alpha Centauri when I wear them. Then, I’m about ready to walk out, when I see this: IMG_5163-0 I didn’t even read it.  I just let the inspirational potential waft from the inside of it–just looking at it.  Bigfoot’s coming to Redding.  Soon. I can feel it. My birthday is Saturday.  Ape suits, Bibles, fly-fishing, ukuleles. Hmmm . . . .I just don’t know.

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8 Responses to Trolling around Barnes & Noble

  1. Ann Ahrens says:

    Ron, Ron. How I would love to be a fly on the wall when you enter such an establishment. And what’s the deal with George “RR” Martin? Sounds like someone is trying to ride Tolkien’s wave….

  2. Helene says:

    Nice , real nice :). If only I had the courage to mess with the B & N employees like that….I love B & N and I usually spend a large chunk of my summer there, but they don’t have the best selection of what I like. I typically stick to philosophy or Dickens when I go to find reading material. You know what, I think they should invest in some Chrysostom or Charles Lamb–that would really increase their profits! And yet it is still one of my favorite places to hang out. My dad could probably explain it since he’s done so much research on sense of place ;). I could probably explain it, too, if I took the time to read his thesis….

    • Ron Giesecke says:

      One time I was in the music store–when CDs were still sold–not as an afterthought–but still in the phase where they were supplanting records.

      Over in the death-metal section, this guy was LIVID a parental warning on a Cannibal Corpse album was there.

      I looked across the bin, and said “I know what you mean. I HATE it when somebody messes with my blasphemy!” And walked out.

      His face.

      It was awesome.

      • Helene says:

        Fantastic! Is it bad that I get an evil joy out of messing with people? (That was a rhetorical question) I normally do it to my friends and acquaintances though–not strangers. Also, I still have cassette tapes…and I listen to them! Did you ever manage to find anything at B & N?

      • Ron Giesecke says:

        I found a book by Peretti. But I did not buy it.

  3. Steve says:

    It’s nice to see the Prodigal Daughter is still alive via Ron’s blog. From Rochester to Redding to Milton. I’ll let your mother know.


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