The problem with cynicism is its ability to make me seem like a clairvoyant. My nearly-superfluous understanding of my fellow man’s entropic tendency towards cowardice, selfishness, and situational greed gives me the appearance of prescience. When in reality, it’s the easiest thing in the world.
So the inner conflict arises to the ego, when others cannot simply see the ridiculously-clear writing on the wall, to be seen as some modern-day Kreskin—or some other, cold-reading mountebank ascribed with paranormally refined abilities to “see over the dashboard.”
I’m going to share with you my secret:
1) In environments where one can be paid the same hourly sum for not showing up at a stressful job as actually showing up, a large percentage of internally-vacant people will opt for the first.
2) Those opting for the second will be expected to take up the slack for those opting for the first.
3) I simply identify the people in group one and predict their exit at the most crucial of times, holidays, and Superbowl Sundays.
4) I am right. Again and again. Like a slot machine paying me in slugs.
5) I am NOSTRADAMUS.